• WiFi: connected
  • Me: then fucking act like it
lizclimo:

megalodon! 

lizclimo:

megalodon! 

corporateaccount:

iowa is the only state that consists entirely of vowels

"w is not a vowel"
every message in my inbox for the next 16 years (via corporateaccount)

kittiezandtittiez:

Sometimes when I say “I’m okay”, what I really want is for someone to hold my hand, look me in the eyes and say “I know that you’re not okay, here is $1000.00”.

averagefairy:

u ever text someone something risky and every second that they dont respond is another spike in ur blood pressure and u stare at your hand like why did u type that u fool its over the universe is crumbling to pieces this is my demise

colesprouseofficial:

sorry! your password must contain at least seventeen roman numerals and the entire script of shrek the third

Pug gets scolded by owner and takes it to heart 

autisticqueermihashi:

piratecoves:

poopflow:

people who dry swallow pills go hard as hell and should not be fucked with

i used to dry swallow pills until a searing pain developed in my throat and chest and with the help of the world wide web i found out it burned a hole in my fucking throat please take your pills with water kiddies it’s worth it

HOLY SHIT OKAY

chick-hen-roost-her:

i never get sick of this guys puns